A DELIBERATE CHOICE

Riding in the car with my father as the driver is putting my life in his hands. When he drives, my father is like a raging bull. Woe to the driver who should honk his horn at him. I watch in horror as my father is transformed from kind Dr. Jekyll to mean Mr. Hyde. I watch him scowl and his face grow red as he deliberately blocks the other driver from entering the lane.
Once my father was driving and another driver honked his horn. My father became a raging bull, but all of a sudden he turned into a peaceful lamb, smiled, waved his hand and let the other driver in. I couoldn’t believe what had just happened. I looked at the other driver and saw it was a long time friend of father. This friend was laughing and pointing his finger at father, and father just laughed, calm and peacefully as if he’s always this way.
I believe my father does know how to behave and can control his temper, if he chooses, but he chooses not to not control his temper or his behavior. I saw my father regain his composure and good will that day when he knew he had to behave or be shamed in front of his friend.
A narcissist, a nsh in my words, needs to put up a front, an act, be seen as so good, kind, and considerate to others, but when in the confines of his home, or his car, his real nature shows. The kind man who would give the shirt off his back to anyone becomes a Scrooge, a man who would not give an inch but wants all for himself and only himself.
It’s no wonder no therapist believed me when I tell them how it was for me during my childhood, they were fooled by the greatest actor of all time, my father.