My parents are trying. I was invited to dinner with them, I refused. I was notified they had bought me my favorite, black bean buns, I could have some if I wanted, again I refused.
I am acting very naturally, responding without thinking. After the phony phone call where I supposedly left a distress message on their machine, I didn’t accuse them of falsifying the phone call. Again I acted without thinking.
I realize now that was the best. If I had accused the parents of faking the call I would have started an altercation I could never win. I treated the situation as it should be treated, dumped it in the sewer where it belongs.
What I did not forget is how they came over and invaded my privacy, came in unannoounced and unwanted into my home and looked around. I haven’t told them anything pertaining to me medically and they needed to find out. I know they looked at all my pill bottles to see what I am taking. I was personally violated. RAPED. By my own parents. Both of them.
I am angry and showing them I am angry. In my family silence was used whenever we were angry at each other. We wouldn’t talk to each other at all. I am talking with the parents but I am using the physical distance to keep silence between us. I am amgry and for the first time in my life I am not denying my anger. I know unless I find some way to vent the anger it will sour within me and turn into rage. I know when I need help and am not afraid to get help. I am not ashamed to admit I need help. The shame would be in not getting that help.
This is the difference in me, knowing that I’m angry and not being afraid to ask for help. My spirit is strong within and it knows when it cannot walk alone.
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