BLUE SKY, GREEN SKY
I say the sky is blue, my family say the sky is green. People aren’t sure so they ask the family. The family tells them the sky is green. Some people tell me the sky has to be green, that’s what the family claims.
Father and Mother insist the sky is green. I am told by sister the sky is blue, but she tells everyone else the sky is green. I ifnd out she is telling everyone I say the sky is blue just to make trouble.
When I was home after having surgery, I asked my father to tell me if the sky is blue or green. My father told me the sky is green. I asked him why he told me before the sky was blue. He replied he read it was blue on a bulletin board, but the sky is really green. Father pats me on the head and reminds me how he is always right, to trust in him, he is never wrong. I cry tears of shame and sorrow. I apologize to hiim for telling eveyone he told me the sky was blue. He smiles down at me and tells me that’s what parents are for, to forgive their children when they are wrong. Totally humiliated and ashamed I do whatever he tells me, whatever he wants, I do so without question.
I return to my home. I remember there are books in my father’s house that say the sky is blue, there are movies that show a blue sky, I remember giving pictures to my father with the sky colored blue. Every memory I have tells me the sky is blue. My father insists all my memories are wrong. I remember mother telling me the sky was blue but she insists she only told me the sky was green. I left their home when I found documents in her handwriting talking about blue skys.
Certain people believe father. I came under their care. I kept insisting the sky is blue and they insist I suffer from a damaged brain from birth. I am given cetain drugs to rebalance my brain chemistry so that I will give up the belief the sky is blue and learn to say that the sky is green. I believe the sky is blue despite what the drugs do to me. I’ve learned not to insist that the sky is blue, only to state what I believe. I’ve learned to state the sky is blue only to those I think will believe me.
If I were to tell my true story, I fear I will lbe subjected to more psychiatric drug treatments which only dulls my mind and deaden my feelings. The truth of my life can only be told as an analogy, this is the safest way for me to tell my story.
Father and Mother insist the sky is green. I am told by sister the sky is blue, but she tells everyone else the sky is green. I ifnd out she is telling everyone I say the sky is blue just to make trouble.
When I was home after having surgery, I asked my father to tell me if the sky is blue or green. My father told me the sky is green. I asked him why he told me before the sky was blue. He replied he read it was blue on a bulletin board, but the sky is really green. Father pats me on the head and reminds me how he is always right, to trust in him, he is never wrong. I cry tears of shame and sorrow. I apologize to hiim for telling eveyone he told me the sky was blue. He smiles down at me and tells me that’s what parents are for, to forgive their children when they are wrong. Totally humiliated and ashamed I do whatever he tells me, whatever he wants, I do so without question.
I return to my home. I remember there are books in my father’s house that say the sky is blue, there are movies that show a blue sky, I remember giving pictures to my father with the sky colored blue. Every memory I have tells me the sky is blue. My father insists all my memories are wrong. I remember mother telling me the sky was blue but she insists she only told me the sky was green. I left their home when I found documents in her handwriting talking about blue skys.
Certain people believe father. I came under their care. I kept insisting the sky is blue and they insist I suffer from a damaged brain from birth. I am given cetain drugs to rebalance my brain chemistry so that I will give up the belief the sky is blue and learn to say that the sky is green. I believe the sky is blue despite what the drugs do to me. I’ve learned not to insist that the sky is blue, only to state what I believe. I’ve learned to state the sky is blue only to those I think will believe me.
If I were to tell my true story, I fear I will lbe subjected to more psychiatric drug treatments which only dulls my mind and deaden my feelings. The truth of my life can only be told as an analogy, this is the safest way for me to tell my story.
1 comment:
Those who know what you are talking about will relate to your analogy. But also I would say there are people who you are quite safe in telling your story to, analogy or not. Of course you know it, just wanted to mention it even so. Also I want to congratulate you, Acorn, on your new blog! :) antaraaya
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