PSYCHIATRIST m.d.

Why are Psychiatrists considered medical doctors when all the medicine they practice is prescribing psychiatric medications? Beyond the initial physical exam when entering the hospital, these doctors write out the prescription for me to take and it’s the nursing staff’s responsibility to see that I take what I need per doctor’s orders.
These psychiatrists have everyone, even their fellow medical doctors, all specialists in different diseases of the BODY, convinced that they, the psychiatrists, are the ONLY ones who are knowledgeable about these psych meds. After all, they took special training and courses and keep updated on these medications, proof they are truly the only ones qualified to prescribe, regulate and monitor these special medications.
I ask everyone, why, at the first signs of a medication reaction, like hives, why am I sent to a medical doctor to rule out a medical condition, and when the hives are not an allergic reaction to a physical allergy, then why are my hives considered a psychogenic reaction so my dose of the psych meds increased to treat my hives? And, why do the hives disappear for awhile but come back and be treated again with a higher dosage, and so the merry-go-round continues until I’m switched to another medication that doesn’t give me hives but another reaction occurs and here I go again, back to a medical who is getting resentful of my using up her time with these psychogenic reactions when she has real patients with real diseases to treat. So I get told, bad news, your blood test is negative. So back I go to my psychiatrist to be re-evaluated for a hidden mental illness or a deep seated psychic disturbance.
Why weren’t the medical doctors working together with the psychiatrists because, as I’ve been told many times by these medical doctors, you cannot separate the body from the mind.
All these psych meds are still too new. Not even the psychiatrists themselves can claim they know all the potential side effects. So when I have a reaction that isn’t classified yet, why am I instantly accused of faking it? Of having a psychogenic reaction? And why aren’t conventional medical centers, alternative health centers and alternative psychiatric treatment facilities working side by side to research and treat these so called psychogenic reactions? We all need to learn to work together in a spirit of mutual respect and cooperation, so an alternative to psychiatric drug treatment can be discovered.
This I so believe.

Journal Entry

5/25/2008
to think I once trusted my emotional health and that of my mind to a group of so called professionals who claim they are well trained and have much experience helping people like me. to think I was once so foolish to have trusted a part of me to these so called professionals, who claim to also be mds, medical doctors. I was such a fool or maybe I was so naïve and trusting I couldn’t think or believe anything else.
When I was seen in the er in such a state of emotional distress these very well trained doctors of the mind, experts in human behavior said because of how I spoke, my thoughts were disorganized and I cannot think in a linear fashion nor can I stay on topic. Well excuse me experts, when any of you are very upset, emotionally distraught are any of your thinking proceses logical, in a linear fashion and can any of you keep on topic? When trying to figure out a mystery, a puzzle, what confuses any of these experts do they, can they start from the beginning and do they know where the beginning is and go from there or do they search for the beginning and if they do , how do they search? Do they look everywhere, do they consider everything or are they such experts they don’t need to do any searching, any looking because in their expert knowledge they know exactly where to look for the beginning and can proceed directly from the beginning to the next point and so on to the end?
What these experts expected me to be able to do when I am clearly in a state of extreme emotional distress is simply too high, impossible, totally illogical and quite unreasonable. But they are the experts, they are very well trained and they know, this is how anyone should think no matter what state of emotional distress. They have two initials after their names, md, what does those initials really mean? Medical Doctor? How about Mind Destroyers? Or this, Mind Decievers since that’s what these people do, deceived me and almost destroyed my mind and since they say they are experts in the mind, why medical and not mind?
Healers? What kind of healing do they actually do? When someone is hurting inside these healers want to heal by hurting the brain, by damaging the brain and these experts claim giving drugs these experts know damage the brain and claim these drugs are the only hope for life, to have any kind of life. What kind of life if that life means an earlier death? And what kind of life is it if that person ends up looking like some freak, uncontrollable body movements that make that person fling arms everywhere and have legs that don’t work so that person needs a walker or a wheelchair and can’t depend on the legs to do what legs should do, keep that person standing tall and get that person to wherever that person wants to go.
These healers of the mind do much to damage the brain and claim this is how they heal. How can damaging the brain that isn’t damaged help a mind that psychs aren’t sure where the mind is located, heal? How can these experts in human behavior be so unaware of their own behavior? How can these experts be so blind to themselves? How can these experts claim to know others so well yet not know themselves as well?

ALTERNATIVE IN NAME ONLY

I have three movement disorders, drug induced Parkinson’s Disease, Dystonia, and Tardive Dyskinesia. All my movement disorders are caused by long time use of psych drugs.
I went to an alternative medical clinic believing the doctors and other practitioners and I would work together and help me withdraw and recover from the damage pysch drugs did to my body. I met once with the State expert that was recently added on staff. I was told I need psych drugs in order to function, my brain is damaged since birth and psych drugs are my only hope for life, a conclusion this State Expert doctor derived from closely reading and studying my records. I was offered an alternative treatment for psych drugs, opiates. Some alternative. Trade one set of problems and addiction for another set of problems and addiction.
I have Parkinson’s Disease the main characteristic is stiffness in posture and moving. I have been told for so many years how I am just anxious and very tense when I was displaying side effects of psych drugs. I am still very stiff and rigid and again not one person at this alternative medical clinic is taking into account the over 36 years I’ve been taking psych drugs. I am being gently chastised and taught how my mind and emotions affect my body, ignoring any of my attempts at addressing the effects of psych drugs and my movement disorders as a possible cause of my stiffness and rigidity. I am asking myself, why do these people call themselves alternative medical practitioners when in reality they all do what all other medical clinic doctors and practitioners have been doing, ignore the effects psych drugs have on my body and only address and treat my mental and emotional condition.

According to the doctor I see at the Alternative Medical Clinic people who are disabled since childhood know how to ask for what they need but people who are disabled as adults don’t know how to ask for what they need. I asked the doctor for one of my medications to be renewed. The doctor did not hear me correctly. What she heard me asking was for a medication prescribed by another one of my doctors. I repeated the name of the medication many times and I wasn’t heard correctly. Finally when I referred to the medicine by it’s dosage suddenly the doctor heard me correctly. I never had this trouble with any coventional medical doctor, just this alternative medical doctor.
My conclusion, it doesn’t matter when a person is disabled. What does matter is whether the doctor will listen to the disabled person.

Abuse is abuse no matter how abuse is used. Many doctors and psychs use abuse as a type of treatment, as a way to promote healing. The more obvious ways abuse is used to help are physical restraints and the isolation room, better known as the padded cell. Then there are the more subtle ways of using abuse to test for emotional health. Are doctors and psychs testing a patient’s emotional health, or is the test a form of emotional abuse ?
When people who are trained to heal use abuse as a treatment method, how can abuse be stopped or even eliminated?

I’m doing very well tapering off remeron. I’ve been able to cut down by 10mg and I’m still doing well. Sad to say the alternative medical clinic where I thought I would get help and support, I’m not. Not at all. I realized by going ahead with a taper without consulting anyone there, without asking anyone there for their permission or advice I’m deliberately trying to be provoked into an anger reaction. Happy to say none of the practitioners are getting what they want.
It’s just a repeat of the emotional abuse I endured as a child and as a psych patient which I have gone in great detail with the therapist I see at the clinic. When I saw the doctor there I wondered why she repeatedly misheard the medication I was asking for, lyrica. She kept telling me celebrex. When she read off one medication after another on the medication sheet I always give her I finally had to say, since she skipped lyrica, it’s the medicine that’s 75mg. The alternative medical doctor had no choice but to give me what she forced me to beg her for. Some alternative medical treatment. Abuse is abuse even when abuse is called help.
I went back in my hospital records and this was my drug cocktail back in May, 2004 when I was hospitalized because I was termporarily paralyzed from the neck down.
I did check my pharmacy records because I could not believe I would agree to this:
Klonopin 0.05mg 5 HS
Remeron 45mg 1HS
Eskalith-CR 450mg 1 BID
Seroquel 200mg 4HS
Geodon 20mg 4am, 4pm

As for my temporary paralysis being psychosomatic, manifestations of an emerging character/personality disorder, I do believe I have every right and every reason to be angry, outraged, and very mistrusting of the psych and medical community.
I am very sad realizing that even alternative medicine is trying to prove what psychiatry said about me is right. That I am very mentally ill and that I do need psych drugs for the rest of my life. I do feel betrayed because I trusted the therapist there. Psychiatry and the medical communities hate to be wrong, especially when both communities know they have been and are still being very very wrong about me. All I can say is what I am doing, how I am responding to the repeating of the emotional abuse is not stopping medicals and a psych from continuing to emotionally abuse me. I’ll find a good reason to leave this alternative medical clinic so my abusers there cannot blame my leaving on some mental illness.
All I can say for sure, if I had not come off the abilify almost a year ago, no way would I be able to handle the increasing intensity of the emotional abuse I’m enduring. Medicals and psychs don’t want to be wrong about me. I say too bad because they are. Just because they can’t live with their mistakes doesn’t mean I have to keep covering their behinds. They are showing me they all are more than capable of covering their behinds quite well without any help from me at all.

Many times I asked a doctor for help tapering off my cocktail of psych drugs. The usual answer was no because the doctor was afraid I would get depressed again. My family also said the same thing, how afraid they were I would become depressed again. My friends also told me without psych drugs they were afraid I would become very sick again. What I never understood, if these doctors, my former psychs, my friends, and my family were so afraid I would become sick, why was I the one forced to take these drugs? Why weren’t these people forced to take psych drugs since they were the ones who were out of control of their fears for me?

Mental Illness and Diabetes: A Patient’s Thoughts

I have listened to all my psychs, many doctors, and my family tell me having a mental illness is like diabetes.
Mental illness is not at all like diabetes. A doctor can detect diabetes with a simple blood test. No psychiatrist can do the same with any mental illness.
There is a specific chemical imbalance that causes diabetes. None of my psychiatrists can prove a chemical imbalance is the reason I keep talking about the ways my family emotionally abuses me. No psychiatrist can prove a chemical imbalance causes me to say I was raped by a convicted pedophile.

THE WILL TO SURVIVE

I had been separated from the family ship. My little lifeboat had sprung many leaks and was sinking. I saw a cruise ship on the horizon and waved frantically to attract attention. I was losing all hope but the cruise ship changed it’s course and headed my way.
By the time the cruise ship got to me I was swimming in the ocean and tiring fast. I could see a group of people sitting on the deck drinking from their martini glasses and having a good time. I called out in distress and one person threw me an inner tube. I could hear snippets of their conversation carried to me on the wind, will she make it, should we do something more to help her? One of them warned the others I might be dangerous. People decided, if I drowned then I was a bad person, but if I managed to save myself, then I was a good person.
The sea was very choppy and the inner tube disappeared beneath the waves many times. I struggled and called out for help but no one did a thing but watch and ask the waiter to refill their drinks.
Thru sheer strength of will I used the inner tube and got to the cruise ship. I was praised for having the strength and courage to save myself. I stood there looking at all of them, dripping wet and so tired I could barely stand. There was such rage in me but there was nothing I could say. I took the towel they offered, dried myself off and refused their offer of a martini. Later, as I was falling asleep I heard the people congratulating the one who threw me the inner tube. That person was praised for having the faith and courage to throw me the inner tube. I fell asleep wondering how they can tell each other they helped me find the courage and the strength to save myself when all they did was drink their martinis and watch.