Journal Entry

5/25/2008
to think I once trusted my emotional health and that of my mind to a group of so called professionals who claim they are well trained and have much experience helping people like me. to think I was once so foolish to have trusted a part of me to these so called professionals, who claim to also be mds, medical doctors. I was such a fool or maybe I was so naïve and trusting I couldn’t think or believe anything else.
When I was seen in the er in such a state of emotional distress these very well trained doctors of the mind, experts in human behavior said because of how I spoke, my thoughts were disorganized and I cannot think in a linear fashion nor can I stay on topic. Well excuse me experts, when any of you are very upset, emotionally distraught are any of your thinking proceses logical, in a linear fashion and can any of you keep on topic? When trying to figure out a mystery, a puzzle, what confuses any of these experts do they, can they start from the beginning and do they know where the beginning is and go from there or do they search for the beginning and if they do , how do they search? Do they look everywhere, do they consider everything or are they such experts they don’t need to do any searching, any looking because in their expert knowledge they know exactly where to look for the beginning and can proceed directly from the beginning to the next point and so on to the end?
What these experts expected me to be able to do when I am clearly in a state of extreme emotional distress is simply too high, impossible, totally illogical and quite unreasonable. But they are the experts, they are very well trained and they know, this is how anyone should think no matter what state of emotional distress. They have two initials after their names, md, what does those initials really mean? Medical Doctor? How about Mind Destroyers? Or this, Mind Decievers since that’s what these people do, deceived me and almost destroyed my mind and since they say they are experts in the mind, why medical and not mind?
Healers? What kind of healing do they actually do? When someone is hurting inside these healers want to heal by hurting the brain, by damaging the brain and these experts claim giving drugs these experts know damage the brain and claim these drugs are the only hope for life, to have any kind of life. What kind of life if that life means an earlier death? And what kind of life is it if that person ends up looking like some freak, uncontrollable body movements that make that person fling arms everywhere and have legs that don’t work so that person needs a walker or a wheelchair and can’t depend on the legs to do what legs should do, keep that person standing tall and get that person to wherever that person wants to go.
These healers of the mind do much to damage the brain and claim this is how they heal. How can damaging the brain that isn’t damaged help a mind that psychs aren’t sure where the mind is located, heal? How can these experts in human behavior be so unaware of their own behavior? How can these experts be so blind to themselves? How can these experts claim to know others so well yet not know themselves as well?