Feel Like Me

I’ve been told so many times by doctors how hard it is for them to keep me, a mentally ill patient on my psych drugs.
I’ve told doctors why I want to stop my psych drugs. Doctors tell me I need these drugs because they’re afraid I’ll get sick again. Gee doctor, why don’t you start on an anti-psychotic if you can’t control your fears. I hope you take them long enough so you’ll start to feel agitated inside and unable to sit still,. Then when you have start to have difficulty sleeping, start to take an anti-depressant. When you are unable to understand simple directions or remember people’s names start on another anti-psychotic which might help the first anti-psychotic work better. Better start a drug called cogentin to counter any side effects you may have. If you continue to shake and drool, up your dose of either anti-psychotic and your shaking and drooling will stop. If it continues, up your dose even more until the shaking and drooling stops. If you still can think clearly to make the connection all you’re experiencing is the same symptoms I’ve been coming to you and complaining about for years now. Maybe you’ll take me seriously and won’t dismiss me as just some mentally ill woman seeking attention.

Recipe for Tardive Dyskinesia/Tardive Dystonia

Ingredients:
psychiatrists with their never ending questions
me, a patient, confused and afraid
various neuroleptic and anti-depressant drugs

Directions for preparation:
Start with one psychiatrist who wants to know me. Mix me up really good with questions aimed to prove that I suffer from delusions.

Add:
Stelazine and mellaril to help me overcome my delusions.
Elavil to combat the anxiety that all these questions are eliciting.
The family to bind and confine me.

While stirring me up add these questions, either one at a time or together:
Are you sure this happened?
Are you certain that you couldn’t be wrong?
Are you positive that this happened as you said it did?

Liberally sprinkle it with these comments:
You know you often mistaken phrases and words to mean other than what I mean.
You know you often perceive things in a different manner than what it’s meant to be.
You know you often mistakenly believe you heard differently than what I said.

While mixing well, stir in these words:
Paranoid schizophrenic
Bipolar depression
Schizoaffective disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Hallucinatory experiences
Delusional
Paranoid
Arrogant
Conceited
Attention seeker
Controller

Mix well and stir vigorously for the next 28 years.
Give it 6 years to rise.
Let rest 2 years

Result: a very paranoid, confused woman suffering from Tardive Dyskinesia and Tardive Dystonia.

Me and Psych Drugs

What Psych Drugs Did to Me
They put me in the medical hospital
They took me out of the mental hospital.
They brought me up from my depression
They brought me down down from my mania.
They made me shuffle when I walked
They made me mumble when I talked
They made my legs swing.
They made my neck spasm
They made me poop less
They made me pee more.
They upset my tummy
They irritated my lungs
They made me walk slow as molasses
They made me pace the floor
They made me drool
They made me stick out my tongue
They made me sit as still as a rock
They made me sit and rock
They gave me problems with my joints
They made me lose lots of hair
They gave me insomnia
They gave me nightmares
They made my blood pressure drop
They made my triglycerides rise
They made my mouth dry
They made my hands shake
Most of all they gave me Tardive Dyskinesia/Tardive Dystonia

These pills were supposed to:
Help me talk better
Help me relate and reason better
Help me sleep better
Never once did they do anything they were supposed to do.

I have D.I.D., Drug Induced Dystonia. Mine is caused by long term use of psychiatric medications.

The psych drugs took me out of the mental hospital but they caused me to have a drug induced movement disorder.
Medications caused my disorder. Stress did not cause me to have a dystonia, but stress does make me worse. I’d rather handle my stress in other ways than with medication.
Some may say my disorder is genetic. My uncle had Parkinsons disease. I believe I may have a predisposition to a Dystonia. I believe that the long term use of these psych drugs caused this predisposition to become a reality.
I’ve taken many other medicatons besides psychiatric medications. I realize a combination of all the drugs I’ve taken in my life time has a cumulative effect and together, they all caused me to have D.I.D. I believe the psychiatric medications, in particular the neuroleptics, mellaril, stelazine, thorazine and haldol caused my disorder. Atypicals are less likely to cause a dystonia, but once a dystonia is present, they can cause it to get worse.
The neuroleptics affect the area of my brain called the basal ganglion. This part of the brain controls movements. These drugs are thought to make dystonia better, all they do is mask the symptoms. The sooner I’m withdrawn from these drugs, the better my chances for a remission.